This is my god damn life. My happiness, self worth, and success do not depend on other people or other things. Nothing gets to have that power over me. I make my own choices. I choose. I decide.
That was a lot of words.
I am worthy. And deserving. And strong. And brave. And I have plans and goals and fucking dreams like you wouldn’t believe... Passion like you wouldn’t believe.
That was a lot of words.
On some real shit……. It’s hard work figuring out what you want. It’s a lot of things. Lord we all know this. It’s hard work figuring out where you want to go. I don’t have exact answers for those things a lot of the time….but what I DO know is this…. I’m taking this crazy, confusing, absurd, challenging, wonderful thing we call life as it comes. No one gets to make me feel like I’m doing it wrong or like I should have more answers. I have wasted SO much time trying to figure out what people want from me, what I should be giving, what people are thinking, what people are saying….. Comparing myself to people, feeling judged, and unworthy, and imperfect, and scared…. Fucking scared. Scared of so many things…. People, judgment, opinions, standards, expectations, failure, SUCCESS even. I get so caught up in all of that. So lost in all of that. And I forget about all of the things that I do have…. All of the things that I have to offer….and be proud of and feel good about. And I step back and realize that nothing should ever make me doubt that or forget that. Because it’s THOSE things that have gotten me here. And then I step back again and realize…. WHO GIVES A FUCKING SHIT…. Stop being scared. It literally blows my mind to think about all of the things people would do if we weren’t all so god damn afraid. I’m not just talking about dance either. In life….
Whether it’s being afraid of what people are thinking… afraid of not being good enough…. afraid of not living up to someone else’s expectations… afraid to have an opinion…. afraid to speak up…. afraid to take a chance… afraid to do what you REALLY want to do… afraid to fail… afraid of disappointment… afraid of being hurt… afraid of being let down…. afraid of commitment…. afraid to trust… afraid of not having control…. afraid of being alone…. the list is endless…. We’re afraid, so we play it safe… which consequently leaves us miserable. Why do we CHOOSE to be miserable? Why do we let fear get in the way of so much and keep us from moving forward? And yeah, it’s hard to just decide you aren’t going to be scared anymore… but at the same time, it’s so simple. Some of the best advice I’ve been given is this: “The only way to do it, is to do it.” Face whatever it is you’re afraid of. You can’t heal what you won’t confront…. That’s the first step. Try and change your perception of the situation. I feel like fear most of the time involves risk taking, more or less….and the biggest thing that needs to happen before hand is you have to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You have to. And that’s where we all get lost sometimes….that’s where I get lost sometimes…
Fuck people’s expectations. Fuck holding back. Fuck anything that keeps you from being everything. It’s not always fun, it’s not always easy, there will be let downs, and disappointments, and things and people that break your heart, and days where you have no fucking clue what you’re doing…. Welcome to the human experience. None of that gets to determine who you are. That is forever and always your decision. You decide what you want to take from every situation. You decide how it affects you. You decide what you’re going to learn from it….or not learn. You can decide to be life’s victim or you can shut the hell up and listen to the lessons it’s trying to teach you.
At the end of the day, I’m tired. Tired of letting everything else play such a HUGE role in how I’m feeling and what I’m doing. Tired of letting small things get to me. Tired of biting my tongue. Tired of holding back. I will not base my happiness on other people. I will not let other people’s expectations and opinions define mine. I am my own person. This is MY life….. And there just isn’t enough time. This ride is too damn short, my friends. Replace worry and stress with trust, put into the universe what you want to get back from it, realize that your flaws are what keep you growing, your imperfections make you unique, and at the end of the god damn day….it WILL be okay.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
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